Hormones: The Invisible Puppeteers of Our Body and Mind

We often think of our bodies as intricate systems of organs and tissues working together to keep us alive and thriving. But at the heart of this intricate system is a lesser-known yet powerful force: hormones. These tiny molecules have a hand in almost every aspect of our bodily functions, from regulating our sleep patterns to controlling our metabolism. And, just as they have the power to maintain balance and harmony, hormone imbalances can wreak havoc on our physical and mental health.

Understanding Hormones: The Basics

Generally, hormones are chemical messengers produced by the endocrine glands. They travel through the bloodstream, telling tissues and organs what to do. For example, insulin helps regulate blood sugar levels, while thyroid hormones control metabolism. And it's not just about physical functions; hormones are pivotal in influencing our mood, mental health, and overall well-being.

Imbalanced Hormones and Mental Health

A hormonal imbalance can manifest in numerous ways, from mood swings and anxiety to depression and insomnia. For instance, imbalances in serotonin, often termed the happiness hormone, can lead to feelings of sadness, irritability, and depression. Similarly, fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone, particularly during the menstrual cycle or menopause, can greatly impact mood and cognition.

For Black women, there's an added layer of complexity. Historical and systemic disparities in healthcare access, coupled with societal stresses like racism, can exacerbate hormonal imbalances. These disparities might also make Black women more susceptible to conditions like polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) or thyroid disorders, which can influence mental health.

Nutrition, Hormones, and Weight

One significant factor that can impact hormonal balance is diet. Consuming highly processed, sugary, or fatty foods not only influences weight but can also disrupt hormonal harmony. A diet low in essential nutrients can compromise the functions of the thyroid gland, hinder insulin regulation, and amplify stress hormones like cortisol. For Black women, specific dietary habits and cultural cuisines might need to be carefully navigated to ensure they receive hormone-balancing nutrients.

Eating for Hormonal Harmony: Tips for Women

1. Prioritize Protein: Incorporate lean protein sources like fish, poultry, legumes, and tofu into your diet. Protein provides the essential amino acids necessary for hormone production.

2. Opt for Omega-3s: Fatty acids, particularly omega-3s found in fatty fish, chia seeds, and walnuts, can help reduce inflammation and maintain cell membrane health, which is crucial for hormone function.

3. Boost Fiber Intake: Fiber helps detoxify excess hormones and regulate blood sugar levels. Sources include whole grains, fruits, and vegetables.

4. Minimize Sugar and Refined Carbs: High sugar and refined carb intake can lead to insulin resistance, which may result in weight gain and disrupt other hormonal processes.

5. Incorporate Cruciferous Vegetables: Broccoli, cauliflower, and Brussels sprouts can help balance estrogen levels.

6. Stay Hydrated: Drink enough water daily. It aids in hormone transport and overall cellular function.

7. Limit Caffeine and Alcohol: Both can disrupt endocrine functions and negatively influence hormonal balance.

Understanding the role hormones play in our health is essential for overall well-being. Especially for Black women, who may face unique challenges and vulnerabilities, prioritizing hormone health through nutrient-dense foods can be a key to unlocking a balanced mental and physical state. By taking small, proactive steps in our daily lives, we can harness the power of hormones to work for us rather than against us.

The Power of Both-And Thinking: A Journey to Self-Awareness and Improved Mental Health

Several years ago, when I worked for the local school system, my area superintendent often said both/and instead of either/or.

I was intrigued by the concept and the more I explored it, I realized that we’ve been taught to choose between two opposing options. That’s not the best way to view most situations, but it’s really not the best way to consider options for Black women.

Using the either/or lens is limiting. As a Black woman, navigating life's challenges has often required me to adopt a unique perspective. I've discovered that embracing both/and thinking is an invaluable tool that has revolutionized my journey toward self-awareness and improved mental health.

Here are some benefits of both/and thinking and why you should consider adopting this framework.

Building Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the key to unlocking personal growth and improving mental health. Both/and thinking helps us delve deeper into our emotions and thoughts. By acknowledging and accepting our whole range of experiences, we better understand ourselves. It allows us to explore the nuances of our identity, celebrate our strengths, and address areas where we want to grow. Self-awareness through both/and thinking helps us become more grounded, authentic, and resilient.

Nurturing Mental Health

As Black women, embracing both/and thinking is a powerful tool improved mental health by helping us cultivate self-compassion by acknowledging that it's okay to feel a mix of emotions — joy and sorrow, strength and vulnerability. Instead of suppressing or denying these emotions, we can embrace them, and in doing so, we create space for healing and growth.

Embracing both/and thinking also encourages us to seek support when needed. Mental health is a journey, and both/and thinking allows us to navigate it with grace and self-acceptance.

Navigating the Complexities of Emotions

Our emotional landscape is rich and layered, shaped by a myriad of experiences and influences. Society often expects us to display unwavering strength and resilience, but it's crucial to acknowledge that we are human beings with a full range of emotions. We can experience joy and sadness, strength and vulnerability, all simultaneously. It's okay to feel angry about injustice while finding moments of peace and happiness in our lives. By embracing the complexity of our emotions, we can cultivate a deeper understanding of ourselves and develop healthier coping mechanisms for our mental well-being. Both/and thinking liberates us from the confines of either/or choices, granting us the freedom to explore the complexity of our emotions and experiences without judgment.

Reframing Limiting Beliefs

Society bombards us with limiting beliefs that can shape our self-perception and hinder our growth. As Black women, we may face stereotypes, biases, and expectations perpetuating narrow narratives about who we are and what we can achieve. Both/and thinking empowers us to challenge these limiting beliefs and reclaim our narrative.

We can be resilient, vulnerable, successful, authentic, fierce, and compassionate. By reframing our mindset and embracing the power of and instead of either/or, we break free from the constraints of societal expectations and carve our paths toward self-fulfillment.

Building Bridges of Intersectionality

Intersectionality lies at the heart of our experiences as Black women. We often find ourselves caught between different worlds, navigating the complexities of race, gender, and other intersecting identities, which shape our unique perspectives and challenges. We face societal expectations, cultural pressures, and personal aspirations that pull us in different directions. It's easy to feel like we must choose between conflicting identities.

Both/and thinking invites us to celebrate the intersectionality of our identities and encourages us to embrace the full spectrum of our multi-faceted identities. It encourages us to acknowledge that our experiences are shaped not just by one aspect of our identity but by the beautiful tapestry of who we are. By recognizing and appreciating the interconnectedness of our identities, we can foster understanding, empathy, and unity within ourselves and with others. This recognition frees us from the confines of societal expectations and empower our authentic selves to shine through.

The Bottom Line - You don’t have to settle.

Sis, you don't have to choose; you can have it all. Embrace the power of both/and and witness the incredible growth and transformation that unfolds as you step into the fullness of who you are.

Both/And Thinking In Action

Scroll below to discover eight steps to implementing both/and thinking.

GET CURIOUS.

The GET CURIOUS framework aims to help Black women delve into the art of self-awareness. Through guided introspection, this model aids in excavating hidden emotions, identifying root causes of pain, and fostering holistic healing.

Framework Components

1. Release the Need to Be Right

Exercise: Conduct a self-assessment to identify situations where the need to be correct has hindered your growth.

Question: When faced with situations where you have to make hard decisions, ask yourself: “What is more important to me—being right or healing?”

2. Acknowledge and Name Your Emotions

Exercise: Use a feeling wheel to identify and label your feelings. See below for a link.

Question: “What is the core emotion I am feeling right now?”

3. Experience and Explore Your Emotions

Exercise: Utilize mindfulness to analyze and sit with your emotions.

Question: “Where is this emotion stemming from, and what does it signify for me?”

4. Take Your Time and Write That Shit Out

Question: “What narratives are surfacing in my journaling that need further exploration?”

5. Ask 'What' Questions

Exercise: Engage in self-inquiry using “what” as the lead word.

Question: “What factors contributed to this emotion? What can I learn from this?”

6. BEA Gracious

Exercise: Reflect on instances where you fell short, forgiving yourself and identifying ways to improve.

Question: “What can I learn from my failures to make more informed choices in the future?”

7. Practice Kaizen

Exercise: Identify one small change you can implement for self-improvement.

Question: “What is the one percent improvement I can make [in this moment, in the future]?”

8. Feel it in Your Soul, Sis

Exercise: Use guided visualization or deep reflection to ensure soul-level resolution.

Question: “Is my soul at peace with my conclusions?”

9. Ask for a Second [Third + Fourth] Opinion

Exercise: Seek input from trusted mental health accountability partners.

Question: “What alternate perspectives or insights am I missing?”

10. BEA Vulnerable

Exercise: Share your reflections and growth areas with someone you trust.

Question: “What part of my story am I hesitant to share but know is crucial for my healing?”

Additional Resources

• Feelings Wheel: To help you identify and understand your emotions.

• SoulMed Journal Challenges: Tailored prompts for deep introspection.

• Dear Black Woman | Mediation Mixed Tape

The GET CURIOUS framework is a guide and a committed lifestyle to discovering your authentic self. Following these steps diligently will bring about self-awareness, holistic healing, and a life filled with ease and serenity.

Note: This framework is informational and should not replace professional medical advice. Always consult a healthcare provider for medical advice and treatment.

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Copyright © 2023. GET CURIOUS: What Does It Mean to Get Curious. All rights reserved.

Weaknesses As Strengths

When is the last time you leaned into your weaknesses? Most times we ignore them and try to deny them because it doesn’t feel good to know you aren’t good at that thing; but, we shouldn’t do that.

Leaning into our weaknesses means we take a deep look at what we don’t do well, where we need to improve and determine the best way to address the issue. By examining where we can improve, we can reduce our stress. Focusing on weaknesses can help us reduce stress by allowing us to have a plan of action when we are required to operate in our weakness. The Stanford Rethinking Stress toolkit, our stress if often caused by misalignment of our personal values and goals.

For example, if you want to do well at being a mother, but you have a tendency to get easily frustrated, this is a weakness for you in the area of parenting. Leaning into the weakness by asking questions can help you uncover the source of your frustration and help you develop a plan to address it. There are several steps you should take to lean into your weakness ::

• Step 1 :: Recognition

• Step 2 :: Self-evaluation

• Step 3 :: Plan

Using this example, leaning into the weakness would go a little something like this ::

Step 1 :: Recognition

• While fussing at your child you realize that this is a common problem.

• You acknowledge and don’t try to resist the fact that this is a reoccurring issue.

Step 2 :: Self-evaluation

• You make an intentional decision to note how you are feeling at the moment - outside of whatever your child did to upset you, asking yourself ::

  • Was the punishment (fussing) equal to the infraction (their behavior)?

    • If so, why?

      • Did you explain how not to do said thing to the child?

      • Is there a better way to reach the child that leaves you both with your dignity and respect?

      • Is there something that could be a larger issue with your child?

    • If not, what else could cause you to be short with your child consistently?

      • Is it stress at work?

      • Are you unhappy with your relationship?

      • Do you have deep-rooted issues with the parent-child relationship?

Step 3 :: Plan

Based on your responses to the questions, you need to determine what the actual weakness is and then a plan of action moving forward.

Using our example and example questions, you might uncover that your child doesn’t understand the WHY behind what you ask them to do. Since they don’t understand, they don’t do the task the way you want it done - or at all. The weakness here could be that you aren’t effectively communicating with your child.

With that understanding, you can now develop a plan that will help you better communicate with your child. One way to address the weakness is to show them and train them before asking them to complete new tasks, making sure to explain THE WHY and THE HOW as you are training them. Using this new strategy for all situations like this would help improve communication and reduce fussing, improving your stress.

You’re not done though. After fixing the issue with your child, you should consider ::

• How else this weakness shows up.

• What’s the behavior associated with the weakness in different situations?

• How can you develop a plan to address it in those situations?

SN:: I know you are like … gurl … Black mommas don’t care about them not understanding the why … that’s not today’s topic of discussion … but it is something we should discuss at some point … because traditional parenting styles by Black families are rooted in slavery, perpetuate colonialism and are toxic.

What Are You Telling People About You?

We teach people how to treat us by what we allow, what we stop and what we reinforce.

So, when they hurt us, it is our responsibility to teach them how to treat us. Our response to their infraction tells them what we will accept and how much we value ourselves.

It is important that when you speak up for yourself, you don’t use victim vocabulary. Victim vocabulary will only encourage them to continue their poor behavior toward you and give them permission to invite other people to do the same. You want to stand in control of your circumstances, never giving your power away to someone else. What does this look like?

It looks like you being honest with yourself, practicing mindfulness, accepting personal responsibility, evaluating your trauma, and not complaining, but seeking solutions. You want to maintain in control of your life and the outcomes.

Example: Josh has a 32 in math. He’s asked his teacher for assistance over and over and she doesn’t help him.
Victim response: She doesn’t like me. I will have to live with a F.
Empowered response: Josh emails the teacher, copying the dean of the university with details of the issue and the times he’s sought assistance. He asks for a meeting and to have the dean included in the meeting.

If Josh takes the victim role, he is teaching his math teacher to continue to ignore him. When he moves to a position of empowerment, she knows that she has to pay attention to him.

What have you taught people about how to treat you?

Use the examples in this worksheet to guide you through evaluating how your response has been teaching people to treat you.

Choice vs. Decision :: What's Your Vision For Your Life

There is a distinction between a choice and a decision.

A choice is limited only by your creativity. A decision is made based on the available options, nothing more.

When applied to our lives, we can say that we choose our life. What we have or don’t have is only limited by what we can dream up for our lives. We then use that vision as the guide for how we make daily decisions.

If you want happiness, then choose in every situation to see the positive and be happy.

If you want financial stability, then choose to a career path that will supply you with the money and learn how to invest and save to have that.

It sounds simple - and it really is that simple.

Yes, life will come at you hard, but you have the power to determine how life impacts you. You alone are in control of achieving the vision or what you choose for your life.

“I Choose” by India.Arie drives this point home. In the song, she makes a bold declaration that she is taking full control of her life. She’s even tellin’ her momma that!

Let’s follow her lead and boldly take control of our lives by choosing the life we want.

Use this Life Vision Worksheet to help you start planning.

Need support? Schedule a free 30-minute consultation with me.

Service, Rest, Discipline

If you don't have the Iylanla Awakenings app, what are you really doing? 

Just kidding, but I couldn't help myself. Seriously, the app is amazing. I use it some mornings to get focused and help me start my day. I try to listen to it completely without my mind wandering off. If it does, I refocus or listen to it until I can focus without thinking of something that is not related to the message.

I found a recent message is worth sharing. 

You can listen to the full message below, but I want to bring intentional attention to her message about discipline + worth was powerful. To paraphrase she says :: Get your mind, body and spirit in alignment that what you are working toward is worth it. It lead me to ask you :: What in your life are you working toward is worth it?

When you think through the answer, consider her other two principles and well ::

• Service :: This isn't service to others, but service to yourself. How is the thing that is worth it a service to you? If you can't determine how it is a service to you, what are you really doing it for?

• Rest :: Is what is worth it allowing you to get rest? When she speaks of this, it is not about sleep (though that is super important). Rest is about being awake, still and in the moment. Listen to the full message so Iyanla can tell you how rest supports you.

Opportunity is Wealth

Opportunities are wealth. Consider wealth in this case as more than just material or financial wealth, but wealth in health, relationships, etc. When you capitalize on opportunities that are presented to you have the ability to improve your quality of life and live out your true purpose. It is important to be mindful and present in each day and each moment so that you don't miss opportunities.

Use this worksheet below to determine if you are ready - mentally, emotionally, physically - for opportunities that may come or that you are actively seeking. Review this article on mindfulness vs. meditation. It will help you understand the difference between the two + provide resources to start you on your journey to be more mindful and present in each moment.

Opportunity is Wealth Worksheet