Creating Balance: Key to Positive Mental Health

The National Alliance on Mental Health reports that maintaining balance in our daily lives is a cornerstone of our overall well-being. Balance prevents stress, which has a huge and negative impact on our mental health. De-stressing your life can reduce the possibility of contracting some of the major chronic health issues. It’s important to note that balance is different for each person; so, there isn’t a formula for achieving it. To that end, you should have an arsenal of strategies to use that help you create the balance you seek in your life. Below, are some suggested strategies for creating balance in your life.

Create a routine :: Perceived lack of time is a large contributor to stress. Creating a routine that is aligned with your goals can decrease stressful time-related situations. The following information and worksheets will help you create goals and offer you powerful tools to help you manage your time effectively and efficiently.

• Goal-Setting Worksheet

• 80/20 Rule for Time Management

  • Determine your passion :: What do you like doing? If you could have any job in the world, what would you do? How does your passion improve the health and happiness of others?

  • Find your 20 percent :: Make a list of all the activities in your daily life. Categorize each one either as a 20 percent task or an 80 percent task. Certain activities may shift in importance over time, but the 80/20 rule is only effective if you are honest about the priority of a task at the present moment.

    • Twenty percent tasks are high-leverage tasks that are most valuable, produce the greatest momentum toward your goal and provide the greatest return on investment; only you can complete these tasks.

    • Eighty percent tasks have a false sense of urgency or aren’t pushing you closer to your goal; these tasks can be delegated to others.

      1. Example :: If your dream is to run your own juice bar, your daily activity list might include ::

         • 20 percent tasks :: experiment with recipes, secure investors (things only you can do)

         • 80 percent tasks :: buy groceries, do laundry, design website, post on social media (things others can do)

  • Focus :: Now that you are clear on your 20 percent of tasks pushing you toward your goals, take action on these tasks each day. For example, you might experience with one new juice recipe each day and plan to spend 30 minutes a day calling one potential investor instead of scrolling social media.

  By focusing your energy on the things that can yield the most results, you will begin to experience momentum toward your goals.

• Time-Management Awareness

• Big Rocks

Creating boundaries :: It is important to honor yourself at all times. One way to do this is by creating boundaries. You can use this Instagram post as a starting point for developing the words to support the boundaries you would like to create. Be sure to follow Nedra Glover on Instagram. She will make a great addition to your newly curated IG feed.

Counting to 10 or 100

Live in the present moment :: Many times our worries are related to what MAY happen. Live in the present moment and don’t worry about what MAY happen. Plan and prepare for it, but don’t worry about it.

Reciting affirmations :: Words have power. When you speak positive words and affirm yourself you will experience happy times. Positive affirmations can change your mood - immediately. They can also help you manifest the life you want. Create a list of positive affirmations and use them to help you navigate stressful moments. For example, if you are stressed about your finances you can say ::

• I have all the resources to meet my needs.

• I lack nothing.

• I am resourceful and powerful. I will attract what I need to sustain and survive.

• I’m a paper chaser. I got the block on fire. I will remain a G until the moment I expire. I know how to make something out of nothing. I handle my business. (Inspired by Ha by Juvenile) ***

• I will win. It’s my winning season. (Inspired by You Will Win by Jakaylan Carr) ***

• I’m a master lemonade maker. No matter what life hands me I made the best lemonade ever! Grab a glass! (Inspired by Lemonade by Beyoncè) ***

• I won’t let Satan win aka Not today Satan. (Inspired by black mommas everywhere) ***

*** TAKEN FROM I AM ENOUGH :: 50 AFFIRMATIONS FOR BLACK WOMEN. ORDER HERE.

Weaknesses As Strengths

When is the last time you leaned into your weaknesses? Most times we ignore them and try to deny them because it doesn’t feel good to know you aren’t good at that thing; but, we shouldn’t do that.

Leaning into our weaknesses means we take a deep look at what we don’t do well, where we need to improve and determine the best way to address the issue. By examining where we can improve, we can reduce our stress. Focusing on weaknesses can help us reduce stress by allowing us to have a plan of action when we are required to operate in our weakness. The Stanford Rethinking Stress toolkit, our stress if often caused by misalignment of our personal values and goals.

For example, if you want to do well at being a mother, but you have a tendency to get easily frustrated, this is a weakness for you in the area of parenting. Leaning into the weakness by asking questions can help you uncover the source of your frustration and help you develop a plan to address it. There are several steps you should take to lean into your weakness ::

• Step 1 :: Recognition

• Step 2 :: Self-evaluation

• Step 3 :: Plan

Using this example, leaning into the weakness would go a little something like this ::

Step 1 :: Recognition

• While fussing at your child you realize that this is a common problem.

• You acknowledge and don’t try to resist the fact that this is a reoccurring issue.

Step 2 :: Self-evaluation

• You make an intentional decision to note how you are feeling at the moment - outside of whatever your child did to upset you, asking yourself ::

  • Was the punishment (fussing) equal to the infraction (their behavior)?

    • If so, why?

      • Did you explain how not to do said thing to the child?

      • Is there a better way to reach the child that leaves you both with your dignity and respect?

      • Is there something that could be a larger issue with your child?

    • If not, what else could cause you to be short with your child consistently?

      • Is it stress at work?

      • Are you unhappy with your relationship?

      • Do you have deep-rooted issues with the parent-child relationship?

Step 3 :: Plan

Based on your responses to the questions, you need to determine what the actual weakness is and then a plan of action moving forward.

Using our example and example questions, you might uncover that your child doesn’t understand the WHY behind what you ask them to do. Since they don’t understand, they don’t do the task the way you want it done - or at all. The weakness here could be that you aren’t effectively communicating with your child.

With that understanding, you can now develop a plan that will help you better communicate with your child. One way to address the weakness is to show them and train them before asking them to complete new tasks, making sure to explain THE WHY and THE HOW as you are training them. Using this new strategy for all situations like this would help improve communication and reduce fussing, improving your stress.

You’re not done though. After fixing the issue with your child, you should consider ::

• How else this weakness shows up.

• What’s the behavior associated with the weakness in different situations?

• How can you develop a plan to address it in those situations?

SN:: I know you are like … gurl … Black mommas don’t care about them not understanding the why … that’s not today’s topic of discussion … but it is something we should discuss at some point … because traditional parenting styles by Black families are rooted in slavery, perpetuate colonialism and are toxic.

Service, Rest, Discipline

If you don't have the Iylanla Awakenings app, what are you really doing? 

Just kidding, but I couldn't help myself. Seriously, the app is amazing. I use it some mornings to get focused and help me start my day. I try to listen to it completely without my mind wandering off. If it does, I refocus or listen to it until I can focus without thinking of something that is not related to the message.

I found a recent message is worth sharing. 

You can listen to the full message below, but I want to bring intentional attention to her message about discipline + worth was powerful. To paraphrase she says :: Get your mind, body and spirit in alignment that what you are working toward is worth it. It lead me to ask you :: What in your life are you working toward is worth it?

When you think through the answer, consider her other two principles and well ::

• Service :: This isn't service to others, but service to yourself. How is the thing that is worth it a service to you? If you can't determine how it is a service to you, what are you really doing it for?

• Rest :: Is what is worth it allowing you to get rest? When she speaks of this, it is not about sleep (though that is super important). Rest is about being awake, still and in the moment. Listen to the full message so Iyanla can tell you how rest supports you.

Sis, Get Your Money Right

According to the SoulMed Holistic Health survey, stress is the number one concern of Black women around the country.

One common cause of stress if money.

No matter your income, it’s important that you know how to manage what you have.

You can start to get your finances in order by implementing the 50/30/20 rule. The basic rule is to divide up after-tax income and allocate it to spend ::

• 50 percent needs

• 30 percent enjoyment 

• 20 percent savings

Get to the bag, sis!

Sometimes what you have just isn’t enough to move you forward. When that’s the case, you have to know how to get to that bag!

According to Nadia C. Vanderhall of Brands + Bands, getting to that bag is as simple as taking an inventory of your skills and using them to build a business or shift your career. To get started ask yourself the following questions ::

• What do I do well?

• What are business opportunities and/or careers that align with my gifts? If you don’t know or need ideas, try Google and God. Search Google for ideas and ask God for direction. Then wait on His response.

• How can I prepare for my come up? Strengthen your knowledge by taking classes that align with your gifts. There are several free skills-based certification classes available now. Again, Google can be your best friend when finding those opportunities.

Vanderhall also shared tips for getting to the bag through investing and managing your money. One of my favorite tips from this part of the conversation was - consume what you consume. If you want to know what it means, you will have to read her blog post Bill or Buy :: Consume What You Consume.

Get more tips by watching the replay of SoulMed presents Soul Sessions :: The Financial Edition below.

Don’t miss out on the good, good. Make sure you are at Soul Sessions each week.

---

Causes of Stress

CAUSES OF STRESS

It is important that we understand the causes of stress and that ultimately we control how stress impacts our lives. We must be able to diagnose when we are stressed and what is causing the stress. The categories below can help you determine what is causing your stress.

• Time stress :: This type of stress revolves around concerns about time – most frequently the lack of time to accomplish all that needs to be done in a given timeframe. 

• Anticipatory stress :: Anticipatory stress is usually felt in conjunction with concerns about the future, anticipatory stress appears in both specific and vague manifestations.

• Situational stress :: While the two preceding forms of stress may be prolonged over a long stretch of time, situational stress tends to be sudden and overwhelming. The common thread amongst all forms of this type of stress is feeling a lack of control. 

• Encounter stress :: Encounter stress are moments of stress are likely to come out when being required to interact with a certain person or group of people

When you feel stressed or anxious, ask yourself the following questions to determine which cause of stress ::

• What is it about the situation I am in that is causing me stress?

• Why is this particular situation causing me stress?

• Is there a specific reason or person that I am stressed in this situation?

• How would I like to feel in this situation?

• Would this situation be more enjoyable at a different time or in a different space?

After answering these questions, you should be able to better diagnose what specifically is causing your stress. From there, you have to have the courage and make a commitment to take control of the situation and do what is best for you. Building these three psychological traits - commitment, control and challenge will allow you to turn the unfortunate circumstance into opportunity for growth and help decrease the physical illness. This is called hardiness.

How do you build these traits? You learn more to refocus your attention on what you can control about the situation and use the stress tool(s) that work for you to bring your stress level down and create a plan of action.

Types of Stress

TYPES OF STRESS

Two of the major forms of stress are acute and chronic stress.

• Acute stress, the most common form of stress, is short-term and stems from the demands and pressures of the recent past and anticipated demands and pressures of the near future (APA, 2011).

• Chronic stress, a long term form of stress, derives from unending feelings of despair/hopelessness, as a result of factors such as poverty, family dysfunction, feelings of helplessness and/or traumatic early childhood experience (APA, 2011). Chronic stressors associated with health disparities include perceived discrimination, neighborhood stress, daily stress, family stress, acculturative stress, environmental stress and maternal stress (Djuric et al, 2010; NIH, 2011).