Black women

Success Ain't Solo: How Womanism Redefines Winning Together

My TribeBlack women who break the status quo in partnership with other Black women, with us all in mind.

When I heard Nella say: “I don’t want to succeed if it means being the only one. That’s not what success looks like to me,” in The Other Black Girl, it reverberated in my soul with the same power as the beat switch in Meek Mill’s “Dreams and Nightmares.”

It took me a while to understand why it hit so hard. For a minute, I thought it was attached to my codependent tendencies, but it was more than that. As I leaned into my curiosity, I realized that the quote spoke to my value of Black women aligned with my womanist beliefs.

Womanists champion the rights and experiences of Black women, ensuring our success doesn't overshadow, sideline, or outshine others in our community. Instead, it uplifts everyone around us, crafting a legacy of unity, mutual respect, and shared prosperity. We aim to forge paths where others can walk beside us, not behind us.

Alice Walker introduced the term in her book In Search of Our Mother’s Garden: Womanist Prose (Harcourt Brace, 1983). She said the term womanism was inclusive and illustrative of Black women’s courage, willfulness, audacious behavior, grown-up, in-charge demeanor, and love for other women, themselves, and humanity. 

The quote was deeply womanist. I am deeply womanist. 

Where I go, so shall my people. Success is not a sweet treat without the opportunity to share it with others. Womanism is a deeply ingrained value for me. 

On my journey, this philosophy has been a compass. I've weathered challenges, confronted naysayers, and missed opportunities, but my allegiance to collective success has remained unshakable. Ascending alone can be a lonely summit—after all, what value does a panoramic view hold if savored in isolation?

Our present culture often extols individual achievements, celebrating personal gain more than communal upliftment to allow those in power to maintain mind control over us like Debo had over Smokey.

Black women have played a part in every historical social movement since women’s suffrage, often being relegated to the help and used for their time and talents but never fully considered. Even with this energy, we’ve shown up and fought. We fought and continue to fight because there would be no representation of everyone without us. Our belief in shared success tells us we must enter the fight to ensure everyone wins. We walk in the room seeking justice for all, not seeking to maintain the status quo, the norm.

The heart of womanism challenges the status quo. Breaking barriers isn't a solo sport—it's a relay race. Every stride should pave a path broad enough for our community to journey alongside us. It cautions against the trap of solipsistic success, where the only cheers are one's own.

Womanists know the most fulfilling triumphs are those celebrated together. Much like the diverse ingredients in a pot of gumbo, our narratives, when blended, create a rich tapestry of shared achievements and interconnected legacies. To stand alone at the zenith isn't success—it's merely solitude. Success thrives when our stories intertwine, forging a lineage of collective milestones and shared memories.

In love + light …

Bea

Black + Gold: Getting to the Golden Life

Ever since 2004, when Jill Scott dropped her single Golden, I’ve been dreaming about the Golden Life. I didn’t know at the time what it meant to live life golden, but she made it sound so aspirational. I’ve held on to the desire to live that way and I created the SoulMed definition for The Golden Life.

The Golden Life requires you to:
* Live in gratitude for each experience (good or bad)
*Naturally respond to triggering situations
* Be emotionally connected to yourself + how you show up to people + how they respond to you
*Honor yourself in what you do + say
— Bea Williams

Getting to the Golden Life - well - that takes (in the words of Iyanla) doing the work. Watch the video below + download the accompanying workbook to learn how to get to the Golden Life.

DOWNLOAD THE WORKBOOK

Closure Is Something You Give To Yourself

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It is often said that closure is a myth. That’s partly true. If you are seeking closure through someone else … then … yeah … sis … you won’t get it. If you are looking deep within to get closure; well, you are on the right track.

Closure is only something you can give yourself. Dr. Abigail Brenner gives five ways to give yourself closure:

1. Take full responsibility for yourself.
It's ultimately up to you to take the necessary actions to help move you forward. Have conversations with yourself, both asking and answering your own questions in a form of a "self-dialogue."

  • What or whom are you holding onto? Why?

  • Does holding on truly make you happy, or are you hanging on to a situation the way it once was, or the way you wished it had been, instead of how it actually turned out?

  • Are you using this "holding on" as an excuse to stay stuck and unresolved? In other words, is dwelling in the past taking you away from moving toward your future?

  • Are you trying to avoid dealing with loss and the void that loss creates?

  • If you're willing to let go, what does that really mean? What will you have to do?

  • Are you afraid of not knowing what the outcome will be?

  • Ultimately, what do you believe will happen to you if you let go?

Being as honest as you can be will pay off in the long run. The pain, hurt, anger, and disappointment will diminish once you've cleared the way to a better, more realistic understanding of the situation.

2. Grieve the loss.
Take plenty of time to do this. There is no set amount of time and no prescribed way; it's totally up to each person to find that for themselves. Don't let anyone tell you to "just get over it." However, grieving should not go on for years. That's just being stuck, still heavily invested in the past.

Prolonged or incomplete grief may contribute to making poor choices in the future. The ability to trust, to be honest, and to be yourself is essential for a new, healthier relationship or situation to present itself to you. "Unfinished business" must be completed and resolved before you move on.

3. Gather your strengths.

  • Focus on the positives. Make a list of your talents, gifts, and assets.

  • Surround yourself with people who know you well, encourage and support you.

  • Shift the emphasis to what you need, what makes you happy. Don't worry about pleasing others.

  • Assess where you can make positive change in your life.

  • Define and affirm what you're able to do something about now.

4. Make a plan for the immediate future.
Determine what's most important for you moving forward. If necessary, reorder your priorities to allow you to explore different possibilities and opportunities that may present themselves to you. Try some of these on for size. It doesn't matter if they don't work out, just that you tried. The important thing is to take action in order to make things happen. If you can't find a path, make one!

5. Create a ritual.
Believe it or not, performing a ritual is a powerful tool to help gain closure. Beyond thinking and talking, and thinking and talking some more, ritual is driven by intention and action. A "symbolic enactment" allows you to utilize your creativity and intuition in order to bypass the intellectual, logical part of your brain.

For example, when a relationship is over, what do you do with all of the meaningful items and objects, such as letters, pictures, etc., that were part of the relationship? A "fire ceremony" is a way to consume the past, but any number of rituals that you personally create can provide symbolic finality and closure.

What Lie Are You Telling Yourself?

What Lie Are You Telling Yourself?

Everyone experiences trauma in their lifetime, but research shows that Black women experience childhood trauma at higher rates than other groups. Untreated trauma significantly increases the risk of seven out of 10 of the leading causes of death in the United States. Through the Live in Color program you will uncover hidden childhood and life traumas that are keeping you stuck and create a plan for getting unstuck.

Choice vs. Decision :: What's Your Vision For Your Life

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There is a distinction between a choice and a decision.

A choice is limited only by your creativity. A decision is made based on the available options, nothing more.

When applied to our lives, we can say that we choose our life. What we have or don’t have is only limited by what we can dream up for our lives. We then use that vision as the guide for how we make daily decisions.

If you want happiness, then choose in every situation to see the positive and be happy.

If you want financial stability, then choose to a career path that will supply you with the money and learn how to invest and save to have that.

It sounds simple - and it really is that simple.

Yes, life will come at you hard, but you have the power to determine how life impacts you. You alone are in control of achieving the vision or what you choose for your life.

“I Choose” by India.Arie drives this point home. In the song, she makes a bold declaration that she is taking full control of her life. She’s even tellin’ her momma that!

Let’s follow her lead and boldly take control of our lives by choosing the life we want.

Use this Life Vision Worksheet to help you start planning.

Need support? Schedule a free 30-minute consultation with me.

Service, Rest, Discipline

If you don't have the Iylanla Awakenings app, what are you really doing? 

Just kidding, but I couldn't help myself. Seriously, the app is amazing. I use it some mornings to get focused and help me start my day. I try to listen to it completely without my mind wandering off. If it does, I refocus or listen to it until I can focus without thinking of something that is not related to the message.

I found a recent message is worth sharing. 

You can listen to the full message below, but I want to bring intentional attention to her message about discipline + worth was powerful. To paraphrase she says :: Get your mind, body and spirit in alignment that what you are working toward is worth it. It lead me to ask you :: What in your life are you working toward is worth it?

When you think through the answer, consider her other two principles and well ::

  • Service :: This isn't service to others, but service to yourself. How is the thing that is worth it a service to you? If you can't determine how it is a service to you, what are you really doing it for?

  • Rest :: Is what is worth it allowing you to get rest? When she speaks of this, it is not about sleep (though that is super important). Rest is about being awake, still and in the moment. Listen to the full message so Iyanla can tell you how rest supports you.

Meditation vs. Mindfulness

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We hear about mindfulness and meditation all the time; but, what is the difference? Are they the same? Let me break it down for you.


Mindfulness is the awareness of something, while meditation is the awareness of nothing. There are many forms of meditation

Mindfulness Meditation is a form of Clear Mind meditation that helps to do just as the name implies - clear your mind. Attention is paid to the natural rhythm of the breath while sitting, and to the rhythm of slow walking.

Mindfulness meditation is a mental training practice that teaches you to slow down racing thoughts, let go of negativity, and calm both your mind and body. Mindfulness techniques can vary, but in general, mindfulness meditation involves a breathing practice and awareness of body and mind.

You can be mindful and not meditate. This is the practice of sitting with your thoughts, asking yourself intentional questions about a situation to deepen your self-awareness, which will help you navigate difficult and triggering situations.



Mindfulness requires ::

  • Beginner’s mind :: Seeing things as a visitor in a foreign land, everything is new and curious.

  • No judgment :: Becoming impartial, without any labels of right or wrong or good or bad. Simply allowing things to be.

  • Acknowledgement :: Recognizing things as they are.

  • Being settled :: Being comfortable in the moment and content where you are.

  • Being composed :: Being equanimous and in control with compassion and insight.

  • Letting be :: Letting things be as they are with no need to change them.

  • Being self reliant :: Deciding on your own, from your own experiences, what is true or not.

  • Being self-compassionate :: Loving yourself as you are with no criticism or self-reproach.

Types of meditation ::

  • mindfulness meditation

  • spiritual meditation.

  • focused meditation.

  • movement meditation.

  • mantra meditation.

  • transcendental meditation

  • progressive relaxation.

  • loving-kindness meditation


How can these things help with stress?

  • Proactively manage stress

  • Reduce anxiety that comes from racing thoughts and projecting the future

  • Increase your self-awareness, which can improve relationships, help identify triggers and create strategies to support stress reduction and improved mental health

How + when to use them to help with stress.

Bio-individuality | Each person is different, but these are general practice rules

  • Begin your day | Center yourself and plan for your day | Help you anticipate stress of day

  • In the moment | Center yourself + stop racing thoughts and anxiety

  • Stop and ask questions to get to root cause + triggers