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To avoid disappointment, take people as they are instead of idolizing what they could be."
Expectations can be deceiving, making us believe we love someone when, in reality, we love their potential. In this deep reflection on radical acceptance, Brandi Williams explores how letting go of unrealistic expectations leads to inner peace, healthier relationships, and true self-awareness. Learn how to stop forcing connections, embrace people as they are, and reclaim your emotional well-being.
Read more & download the journal companion in The Soul Lab.
When my therapist finally uttered the words, "You have borderline personality disorder (BPD) and complex post-traumatic disorder (CPTSD)." I felt an overwhelming rush of emotions. Relief washed over me—finally, there was a name for the chaotic storm inside me. Yet, another part of me felt more broken than ever before. Naming what I was dealing with did not bring the peace I had hoped for; instead, it magnified my feelings of unworthiness and despair.
For years, I had struggled with emotional instability, an intense fear of abandonment, and the haunting memories of past traumas. These were not just fleeting anxieties; they were the core of my daily existence. Each day felt like a battle, and I was growing weary. The diagnosis offered clarity and a stark realization that the journey ahead would be arduous.
The excitement about finding appropriate treatment mingled with a profound sense of fear. What if nothing worked? What if I was beyond help? The weight of these questions pressed down on me, making each step forward feel like an impossible leap. Sharing my diagnosis with others seemed equally daunting. The stigma surrounding mental health issues is pervasive, and I dreaded being judged, labeled, or dismissed. It was easier to suffer in silence than to expose my vulnerabilities and risk rejection.
In the midst of this turmoil, I sought counsel from my pastor and a close friend. Their words provided a lifeline: "This level of healing will require different things. You will have to move things out of the way and find a new way of living. This may not include some people you love." These words resonated deeply, offering a sobering truth. True healing would demand sacrifices, tough decisions, and a fundamental shift in my life. It reminded me of the principle of unBEAcoming—letting go of what no longer serves you so you can live the life you deserve and desire.
Their advice was both comforting and terrifying. The thought of shedding old habits, environments, and perhaps even relationships was daunting. It felt like standing at the edge of a precipice, knowing that the leap was necessary but fearing the fall. This level of healing, they said, hits differently—it is profound and transformative but also excruciatingly painful.
The biblical story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fiery furnace came to mind. They faced a blazing trial yet emerged unscathed because of their unwavering faith and God's protection. I felt like I was in my own furnace, the heat of my mental struggles searing my soul. I was running and fighting to escape, desperate for relief. The story reminded me that while I was in the midst of this fiery trial, I was not alone. God was with me, fighting the battle on my behalf. My role was to remain present and engaged in the fight, trusting that victory would come.
There was something more—something that hadn’t occurred to me before. In my constant running and fighting, I had overlooked the importance of stillness, of becoming unbusy. By constantly moving, I avoided the things I needed to confront. Being unbusy offers me the opportunity to deepen my self-awareness and truly understand what was holding me back. It was only in this space of stillness that I could begin to see the patterns, the old wounds, and the unresolved traumas that were keeping me trapped in a cycle of pain.
This process is not linear. There are days when the darkness feels insurmountable, and the weight of my diagnoses crushes my spirit. On other days, I catch glimpses of hope and strength, moments when I believe healing is possible. The key, I have learned, is persistence and faith. Staying present in the struggle, despite the pain, is crucial. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a testament to my resilience and a move toward healing.
One of the hardest parts of this journey is accepting that some relationships may not withstand the changes I need to make. Letting go of certain people, even those I love, may be necessary to create a healthier environment for myself. This realization is heartbreaking, but I understand that my well-being must take precedence. Healing demands that I surround myself with support and positivity, even if it means making difficult choices. This is the essence of unBEAComing—releasing what no longer serves my highest good so I can embrace the life I deserve and desire.
In this journey of healing, I am learning to redefine my worth, not through the lens of my diagnoses, but through the strength and faith that sustain me. The furnace may be hot, but it is also a crucible for transformation, and I am determined to emerge renewed and whole. By embracing the principle of unBEAcoming, I can let go of what no longer serves me, deepen my self-awareness, and step into the life I have always deserved and desired.
My Tribe | Black women who break the status quo in partnership with other Black women, with us all in mind.
When I heard Nella say: “I don’t want to succeed if it means being the only one. That’s not what success looks like to me,” in The Other Black Girl, it reverberated in my soul with the same power as the beat switch in Meek Mill’s “Dreams and Nightmares.”
It took me a while to understand why it hit so hard. For a minute, I thought it was attached to my codependent tendencies, but it was more than that. As I leaned into my curiosity, I realized that the quote spoke to my value of Black women aligned with my womanist beliefs.
Womanists champion the rights and experiences of Black women, ensuring our success doesn't overshadow, sideline, or outshine others in our community. Instead, it uplifts everyone around us, crafting a legacy of unity, mutual respect, and shared prosperity. We aim to forge paths where others can walk beside us, not behind us.
Alice Walker introduced the term in her book In Search of Our Mother’s Garden: Womanist Prose (Harcourt Brace, 1983). She said the term womanism was inclusive and illustrative of Black women’s courage, willfulness, audacious behavior, grown-up, in-charge demeanor, and love for other women, themselves, and humanity.
The quote was deeply womanist. I am deeply womanist.
Where I go, so shall my people. Success is not a sweet treat without the opportunity to share it with others. Womanism is a deeply ingrained value for me.
On my journey, this philosophy has been a compass. I've weathered challenges, confronted naysayers, and missed opportunities, but my allegiance to collective success has remained unshakable. Ascending alone can be a lonely summit—after all, what value does a panoramic view hold if savored in isolation?
Our present culture often extols individual achievements, celebrating personal gain more than communal upliftment to allow those in power to maintain mind control over us like Debo had over Smokey.
Black women have played a part in every historical social movement since women’s suffrage, often being relegated to the help and used for their time and talents but never fully considered. Even with this energy, we’ve shown up and fought. We fought and continue to fight because there would be no representation of everyone without us. Our belief in shared success tells us we must enter the fight to ensure everyone wins. We walk in the room seeking justice for all, not seeking to maintain the status quo, the norm.
The heart of womanism challenges the status quo. Breaking barriers isn't a solo sport—it's a relay race. Every stride should pave a path broad enough for our community to journey alongside us. It cautions against the trap of solipsistic success, where the only cheers are one's own.
Womanists know the most fulfilling triumphs are those celebrated together. Much like the diverse ingredients in a pot of gumbo, our narratives, when blended, create a rich tapestry of shared achievements and interconnected legacies. To stand alone at the zenith isn't success—it's merely solitude. Success thrives when our stories intertwine, forging a lineage of collective milestones and shared memories.
In love + light …
Bea
Every once in a while, a speech comes along that resonates so deeply it feels like it's speaking directly to the soul. The aforementioned speech is a powerful call to action, a reminder that our purpose, our call, is interwoven with every facet of our being. For Black women, who carry a unique blend of strength, resilience, heritage, and beauty, recognizing and embracing this purpose is a journey that demands introspection, courage, and persistence.
Embracing Your Unique Blueprint
The speech emphasizes a profound truth – you're called. The universe, or as many believe, God, has designed a unique blueprint for your life. Every laugh line, every hair strand, every unique talent and inclination is connected to a greater purpose. The texture of your hair, the way you view the world, the color of your eyes, even the fingerprint on your thumb – all these aspects make you uniquely you. And it's this uniqueness that will guide you towards your purpose.
However, it's not always easy. Life throws challenges, some external and some internal. Self-doubt, societal pressures, and expectations can muddy the waters of clarity. And when we drift away from our purpose or deny it, the result is a palpable sense of frustration.
Frustration: The Signpost to Purpose
When you find yourself constantly frustrated, especially in a particular area or aspect of your life, it's a sign. Instead of seeing it as a negative emotion, view it as a guiding light. It's signaling that there's something more, something you're meant to do, understand, or embrace.
For many Black women, frustration arises from societal limitations, stereotypes, and lack of representation. However, within these very challenges lie opportunities. Frustration can be the catalyst that drives you to create, innovate, lead, and change the narrative.
GET CURIOUS | Leaning into the Frustration
Instead of retreating from or suppressing your frustrations, lean into them. Start by asking yourself:
What is the root of my frustration? Dive deep. Is it a personal goal you've always wanted to achieve? A societal issue that deeply affects you? Understanding the root cause can align your actions with your purpose.
How can I channel this frustration into positive action? If it's about representation, it's time to tell your story to share your unique perspective. If it's a personal goal, map out the steps to achieve it.
Who can support me on this journey? You can make the journey toward your purpose smoother by surrounding yourself with a community that understands and uplifts you.
As a Black woman, your journey is powerful, filled with stories of resilience, strength, and a rich heritage. Your purpose is tied to this journey; every frustration is merely a signpost pointing toward it. So lean in, embrace it, and walk confidently towards the fullness of your calling. Remember, you're not just called; you're chosen. And in that choice lies a magnificent purpose waiting to unfold.
Commit yourself to walk in your purpose while honoring yourself and your community. Download and sign the Walking in My Purpose Commitment Card using the button below. Sign it and post it where you can see it daily.
Instructions:
1. Fill in the blanks with the appropriate words.
2. Choose the items that reflect your fearless spirit and style.
3. Select one of the provided options to complete the sentence affirming your incredible capabilities.
Mad Lib:
This morning, I stand tall, knowing that I am ____________ (adjective). I have an unwavering belief in my ability to accomplish anything I put my mind to. Today, I am ready to embrace my limitless power and showcase my ________ (noun).
Stepping into the world with confidence, I declare to myself:
1. "I am enough, just as I am."
2. "I possess the strength to overcome any obstacle."
3. "I am a force to be reckoned with, capable of achieving greatness."
4. "I embrace my power to uplift others."
With every step I take, I radiate fearlessness and determination. I know that as a Black woman, I can do remarkable things. Today and every day, I choose to unleash my full potential, break barriers, and positively impact the world.
Remember, ________ (name), your power knows no bounds. Embrace your strength, embrace your purpose, and go forth fearlessly, knowing you can achieve anything you want. You are a force to be reckoned with, and the world is waiting to witness your greatness!
We often think of our bodies as intricate systems of organs and tissues working together to keep us alive and thriving. But at the heart of this intricate system is a lesser-known yet powerful force: hormones. These tiny molecules have a hand in almost every aspect of our bodily functions, from regulating our sleep patterns to controlling our metabolism. And, just as they have the power to maintain balance and harmony, hormone imbalances can wreak havoc on our physical and mental health.
Understanding Hormones: The Basics
Generally, hormones are chemical messengers produced by the endocrine glands. They travel through the bloodstream, telling tissues and organs what to do. For example, insulin helps regulate blood sugar levels, while thyroid hormones control metabolism. And it's not just about physical functions; hormones are pivotal in influencing our mood, mental health, and overall well-being.
Imbalanced Hormones and Mental Health
A hormonal imbalance can manifest in numerous ways, from mood swings and anxiety to depression and insomnia. For instance, imbalances in serotonin, often termed the happiness hormone, can lead to feelings of sadness, irritability, and depression. Similarly, fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone, particularly during the menstrual cycle or menopause, can greatly impact mood and cognition.
For Black women, there's an added layer of complexity. Historical and systemic disparities in healthcare access, coupled with societal stresses like racism, can exacerbate hormonal imbalances. These disparities might also make Black women more susceptible to conditions like polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) or thyroid disorders, which can influence mental health.
Nutrition, Hormones, and Weight
One significant factor that can impact hormonal balance is diet. Consuming highly processed, sugary, or fatty foods not only influences weight but can also disrupt hormonal harmony. A diet low in essential nutrients can compromise the functions of the thyroid gland, hinder insulin regulation, and amplify stress hormones like cortisol. For Black women, specific dietary habits and cultural cuisines might need to be carefully navigated to ensure they receive hormone-balancing nutrients.
Eating for Hormonal Harmony: Tips for Women
1. Prioritize Protein: Incorporate lean protein sources like fish, poultry, legumes, and tofu into your diet. Protein provides the essential amino acids necessary for hormone production.
2. Opt for Omega-3s: Fatty acids, particularly omega-3s found in fatty fish, chia seeds, and walnuts, can help reduce inflammation and maintain cell membrane health, which is crucial for hormone function.
3. Boost Fiber Intake: Fiber helps detoxify excess hormones and regulate blood sugar levels. Sources include whole grains, fruits, and vegetables.
4. Minimize Sugar and Refined Carbs: High sugar and refined carb intake can lead to insulin resistance, which may result in weight gain and disrupt other hormonal processes.
5. Incorporate Cruciferous Vegetables: Broccoli, cauliflower, and Brussels sprouts can help balance estrogen levels.
6. Stay Hydrated: Drink enough water daily. It aids in hormone transport and overall cellular function.
7. Limit Caffeine and Alcohol: Both can disrupt endocrine functions and negatively influence hormonal balance.
Understanding the role hormones play in our health is essential for overall well-being. Especially for Black women, who may face unique challenges and vulnerabilities, prioritizing hormone health through nutrient-dense foods can be a key to unlocking a balanced mental and physical state. By taking small, proactive steps in our daily lives, we can harness the power of hormones to work for us rather than against us.
