To avoid disappointment, take people as they are instead of idolizing what they could be.
~ Brandi Williams
The Flavor
Expectation is a tricky thing. It disguises itself as love, hope, and belief in someone’s potential. Too often, it sets us up for disappointment—because we don’t love people for who they are; we love them for who we think they could become.
I used to convince myself that my faith in people was a strength. If I held on long enough, encouraged them hard enough, and poured into them enough, they would step into the version of themselves I knew was possible.
What I didn’t see—what I refused to see—was that my love was conditional. It wasn’t built on accepting them as they were but on hoping they would change.
That was never my decision to make.
The Spice
This lesson didn’t come easy. It came wrapped in heartbreak and disappointment. It showed up in friendships that faded, relationships that crumbled, and moments where I realized I was holding onto the idea of someone instead of who they had always been.
I had to ask myself hard questions:
Did I love them, or did I love their potential?
Was I being fair to them or expecting them to meet me in a place they never agreed to go?
Would I still want them in my life if they never changed at all?
The truth? Some people aren’t meant to be more than what they are today. That doesn’t make them wrong or bad—it just makes them themselves.
When we try to force people into our vision of them, we strip them of the right to be who they indeed are. And we rob ourselves of the peace that comes from true acceptance.
The Recipe
So now, I move differently:
I take people as they are—without expectation, without hoping they’ll morph into something else.
I remind myself that growth is a personal decision, not a project I can take on for someone else.
When someone shows me who they are, I believe them—the first time.
Some connections will shift, and some people will no longer fit. That’s okay. Peace isn’t found in forcing relationships to work but in accepting the truth and honoring yourself accordingly.
To avoid disappointment, take people as they are instead of idolizing what they could be.
In doing that, I free them … and I free myself.
Ready to Go Deeper?
I’ve created a journal companion to help you reflect on your expectations, unpack past disappointments, and move toward radical acceptance. Download it now in The Soul Lab.
Inside the Journal Companion:
5 Deep Reflection Prompts
A Guided Release Letter Exercise
A Letting Go Meditation