When is the last time you leaned into your weaknesses? Most times we ignore them and try to deny them because it doesn’t feel good to know you aren’t good at that thing; but, we shouldn’t do that.

Leaning into our weaknesses means we take a deep look at what we don’t do well, where we need to improve and determine the best way to address the issue. By examining where we can improve, we can reduce our stress. Focusing on weaknesses can help us reduce stress by allowing us to have a plan of action when we are required to operate in our weakness. The Stanford Rethinking Stress toolkit, our stress if often caused by misalignment of our personal values and goals.

For example, if you want to do well at being a mother, but you have a tendency to get easily frustrated, this is a weakness for you in the area of parenting. Leaning into the weakness by asking questions can help you uncover the source of your frustration and help you develop a plan to address it. There are several steps you should take to lean into your weakness ::

Step 1 :: Recognition
Step 2 :: Self-evaluation
Step 3 :: Plan

Using this example, leaning into the weakness would go a little something like this ::

Step 1 :: Recognition

While fussing at your child you realize that this is a common problem.
You acknowledge and don’t try to resist the fact that this is a reoccurring issue.

Step 2 :: Self-evaluation

You make an intentional decision to note how you are feeling at the moment - outside of whatever your child did to upset you, asking yourself ::
- Was the punishment (fussing) equal to the infraction (their behavior)?
  - If so, why?
    - Did you explain how not to do said thing to the child?
    - Is there a better way to reach the child that leaves you both with your dignity and respect?
    - Is there something that could be a larger issue with your child?
  - If not, what else could cause you to be short with your child consistently?
    - Is it stress at work?
    - Are you unhappy with your relationship?
    - Do you have deep-rooted issues with the parent-child relationship?

Step 3 :: Plan

Based on your responses to the questions, you need to determine what the actual weakness is and then a plan of action moving forward.

Using our example and example questions, you might uncover that your child doesn’t understand the WHY behind what you ask them to do. Since they don’t understand, they don’t do the task the way you want it done - or at all. The weakness here could be that you aren’t effectively communicating with your child.

With that understanding, you can now develop a plan that will help you better communicate with your child. One way to address the weakness is to show them and train them before asking them to complete new tasks, making sure to explain THE WHY and THE HOW as you are training them. Using this new strategy for all situations like this would help improve communication and reduce fussing, improving your stress.

You’re not done though. After fixing the issue with your child, you should consider ::

How else this weakness shows up.
What’s the behavior associated with the weakness in different situations?
How can you develop a plan to address it in those situations?

SN:: I know you are like … gurl … Black mommas don’t care about them not understanding the why … that’s not today’s topic of discussion … but it is something we should discuss at some point … because traditional parenting styles by Black families are rooted in slavery, perpetuate colonialism and are toxic.